


Hiafar instead of Jafar

by DG_Fletcher



Category: Aladdin (1992)
Genre: Arbitrary name change, Fixed it for ya, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 22:32:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5472977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DG_Fletcher/pseuds/DG_Fletcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jafar from Aladdin, except actually smart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hiafar instead of Jafar

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Somebody smart enough to become Grand Vizier wouldn't go all bonkers and do half the stuff he does in the second half of the movie.
> 
> 2\. As a "parrot person", you can't get away with treating your parrot, even a magic parrot, the way he does or the bird will end up dead. So in this one, he actually -cares- about his parrot. 
> 
> And why he specifically liked Jasmine at the end of the movie never made sense to me either. Yeah, she's lovely, but still... O.o? Never made sense between the two of them. He originally wanted to marry her to keep himself in the political loop, then throw her off a cliff...  
> \----  
> So I wrote a "there, fixed it for ya!" and this is it.  
> \----  
> 

"Of course, it would require the use of the Mystic Blue Diamond," said Hiafar. "Don't worry, everything will be fine."

"My ring?!" squeaked the Sultan. "But it's been in the family for years!"

Hiafar took out the Serpent Staff and held it close to the sultan's eyes. "The diamond..." he said. 

"Yes... Hiafar..."

Hiafar took the ring up to the lair he'd built and let Yago go. 

"Why. Do we tolerate. That guy?" Yago squawked. 

Hiafar tossed him a grape, walked over to the generator and switched it on. "Quiet, I'm trying to concentrate." he said. The cloud built up as big as it could go and made the room reek of sulfur. 

"Part sands of time," he said over the hourglass. "Reveal to me the one who can enter the cave." The sands split open and showed a random boy climbing a building. Now the question was how to track him down!

"Is that! The Princess?!" Yago screaked. 

Hiafar bent closer to the image. The boy was climbing the wall and right behind him was the unmistakable face of Princess Jasmine, wearing a burlap makeshift robe and hood--but she hadn't even bothered to take off her large, brilliant earrings and turquoise head band. Like that wasn't asking to be robbed. 

This was too easy.

\--

"Sultan!" Hiafar said, as dramatically as possible. He dropped to one knee and held a replica of the ring band of the diamond that looked like the diamond in it had shattered, leaving epic amounts of soot everywhere. "The diamond has done far more than was asked of it!" he said, pressing the broken ring into the other man's tiny hand. "I consulted it to find the princess's suitor, and instead, I found this:"

He'd timed it for Razul to open the door at that moment. Jasmine and the boy were pulled into the room and the boy thrown on the floor. Hiafar backed away, feigning disgust.

"What what what what what is the meaning of this!!?" the Sultan squeaked. 

Hiafar held both of the Sultan's hands and made sure he was looking directly into his eyes. "The ring found the Princess, far away from the Palace." he said. He stood up and walked around both her and the boy. "Was she missing?! Kidnapped?! Or..." 

He came back to the Sultan and said in a very quiet voice "Maybe the reason the Princess hates every suitor you've presented to her has nothing to do with the quality of the suitors." He gestured to the young man. 

The Sultan was so angry he was shaking. "This! Guards! This! Is. What?! Is! You! I... What?!" Nothing came out after that the Sultan was too mad. 

Actually, as he was saying that, it started to make sense. Maybe the Mystic Blue Diamond really did find the solution to the Problem with The Sultan's Daughter.  Lucky him. He hadn't asked for it to do that. 

"I suggest we take the... boy... down to the dungeon for now and you can deal with him when you're less overwhelmed." he said, nodding toward the guards. They dragged the young man away and Jasmine and her father immediately began arguing with each other. Hiafar gracefully stepped out. He still had the Diamond for other projects, and now he had the "Diamond in the Rough" whatever that meant. 

\--

He went down to the dungeon. Diamond in the Rough. Did that mean anything? Did it matter?

Yago waited until they were out of earshot of everybody. "Could you possibly BE more dramatic?!" he said. He switched to mimicking Hiafar. "Missing!? Kidnapped!?" 

They entered the dungeon. "You are in a lot of trouble, boy." Hiafar said. 

The boy looked up at him with a glint under his eyebrows that Hiafar didn't like. "I didn't know she was the princess! How did you find us, anyway?!" he demanded.

Hiafar winked at Yago and set him, ceremoniously, on the end of the Serpent Staff, holding his hands in yogi positions around the bird and acting like it took an epic amount of concentration to keep that position. 

Yago gave him one sidelong look and then shrugged and switched over to a beaut of a baritone voice he'd picked up from a trader from Nubia.  

"The Princess is afar!" the parrot said, pretending not to be a parrot for a minute and staring glassy eyed at nothing. "She is... where is she... I see her... with someone... the marketplace!! " 

Hiafar pretended that had sapped all his strength and released his hands from that position, slumping down toward the ground for a second. Yago took it as a good time to scratch his head and pretend, for a minute, to actually be a parrot again. "Yeegee berry?" he asked in full semi-intelligible parrot voice. Hiafar dropped him a grape. 

"Seen enough?" he asked. 

"Magic parrot?" the boy said. 

"Precisely." It was mostly true anyway. Now to get the boy to the Cave of Wonders without causing any problems. "And back to your problems..." he said, skitching Yago once as if Yago was somehow a problem. It gave him an idea. He sat down and leaned forward like he was telling a secret. "This little guy is so picky about what he eats, I have to import grapes from Nubia." 

Let's try the oddly friendly approach. 

The boy seemed to relax a bit. In a calm voice, as if it meant nothing to him--which it pretty much didn't, Hiafar kind of wished Jasmine would accidentally drown herself in that pond she always sat by or that her pet tiger would suddenly go feral--he said, "You kidnapped the princess. That's not a good idea." 

"I didn't kidnap her, I..." He stopped for a second and looked up at the chains on his wrists. "I rescued her, actually." he said.

Well that was useful to know.

"Rescued? Do go on," This was actually genuine surprise. Even Yago dropped the grape he was attacking. 

"Well, see, we were... she uh." He looked at his wrists again. "Am I gonna be in trouble?" 

"We'll see," said Hiafar. "So far, your chances of survival are increasing."

The man went on about how Jasmine had (quite foolishly, as was often the case,) stolen an apple from a cart and nearly gotten her hand whacked off, and he'd rescued her from it and brought her home, knowing she was foreign or something, but not that she was royalty until Razul had showed up. 

Hiafar stood up, backing away and eyeing the boy dramatically, as if he saw something that wasn't there and wanted the boy to know it. "Could you verify that story?" he asked, putting more eagerness than he really felt into it.

"I suppose so?" the boy shrugged. "Everybody saw it."

"So you're not..." he searched for words. "Sinning! with the Princess?"

The boy made a face like he enjoyed the thought of doing so, then swallowed it. "I've never met her before today," he said.

Well that solved that. By saving this kid's life he could get the kid to do pretty much anything. Hiafar's only problem now was the two diamonds--the Mystic Blue Diamond and the "Diamond in the Rough." He had to make sure that the boy's story wouldn't mess up his story on why the diamond was shattered. 

Hiafar flung out his fingers theatrically. "In that case, I'll send Razul out to gather witnesses immediately." He acted like it was all finished and went for the door.

"But..." he said. "There is a problem you could possibly help me with." He turned around and went to where the boy was chained and looked him very closely in the eyes. 

"In the process of setting this up," he said, feigning careful placement of words as confidence instead of complete loss of knowing what to say next to convince the boy to go to the Cave of Wonders for him. Diamond. Bird. Diamond. Bird. Abstract words? "The magic shattered a diamond." 

"Huh?" the kid asked.

Hiafar went through everything he could think of in his pockets. Escape Dust. Too bright. Grapes. Completely useless for this. Grape seeds. Also useless. Ink. Why did he have ink in his pocket in the first place? Handkerchief? 

That'll work. 

He took out the handkerchief and pulled a beetle off the wall. He was about a foot and a half in front of the boy, pretending to concentrate intensely. 

"What are you doing?" the boy asked.

"Shh!" Yago squeaked in Parrot Voice. "Shh shh shh."

Yago broke his concentration more than the boy did. He gave Yago a side eye, then held the beetle on his finger and dangled the handkerchief carefully in front of him. It had two interchangeable colors, a red side and a black side, but the boy could only see the red side. 

"There is a Cave of Wonders known to us wizards," he said. "Broke open by a scarab and only able to be entered by one person on the face of the planet at once." 

He had no idea if that was true or not, but he had a beetle and a color changing hanky. Holding it about five inches from the kid's face and acting like it was the most intense thing he'd ever done, he dropped the hanky on the beetle and wrapped it up, sliding the beetle into a section of his sleeve and letting it drop down onto the ground and scurry off. Staring right into his face, he unlocked the boy's hands and pushed the handkerchief into them, making sure he still had the right corner to pull. He held it there for a bit, staring into the boy's face.

The boy had a huge. nose. and way too big of eyebrows. 

Then he yanked the handkerchief out so the boy was seeing the black side only.

"What. Color. Is it?" he demanded, gripping it like his life depended on it. A tiny voice in the back of his head said he was probably getting carried away, but it was fun, anyway.

"Black...?" the boy said.

Hiafar put everything he could into making this "important". "Are you sure!?!" he said. 

"Yeah... Wait... where's the beetle?"

"Within you." he said. He hoped that worked. It sounded nuts. He stood up, pretending to be awestruck. "You're... it." he said. "You're it!" he said again, louder. He crouched back down, back in the guy's personal bubble again, pretending to be flustered and fascinated.

"You. I. You're. I'm a wizard." he said. "And you're." he paused for effect. "The Diamond in the Rough." He paused again, acting like he was completely blown away by this kid's new "ability".

He stood up and paced the room dramatically. Yago rolled his eyes.

"Everything in that cave is an illusion," he said. That was true, or at least it was according to the books he'd read. "Except one thing, and it's completely useless to people that aren't wizards." He searched for an example. "Kind of like horse saddles are useless on camels."

That was a stupid analogy, but oh well.

He spun around and looked at him again. The boy was standing up, watching him with that ugly eyebrow expression he always had.

Hiafar continued. "But we can't access it because it's only open to one person per lifetime."

He walked right back into the boy's personal bubble and grabbed both his shoulders. "And you're. It."

Now for the deal. 

"I got you out of this mess with the Princess. All I ask in return is that you go in and retrieve our relic." He paused and glanced at the door. "Without telling anybody about any of this of course. The last thing you need is jealous wizards coming after you."

He still didn't break eye contact and the boy just kept looking at him with those infernal eyebrows.

"Well, okay." the boy said, staring at his hands like they'd suddenly become magic. 

Hiafar sent Razul to gather whatever "witnesses" he needed. He didn't care if it was true or not, and only a few minutes later they were on their way out of Agrabah, out the back way, in disguise. Three fourths of the way out of the city, the man's pet monkey joined them. 

Hiafar had a rule-- never get on the bad side of animals.He tossed the monkey a grape. 

They got out there, with Hiafar describing all the technical intricate things he had to do to find the scarab in the first place, making it all out to be very much a "just a wizard" thing. Important to me, irrelevant to you, heritage and religion and training and such hullabaloo.

Before unleashing the scarab, he handed the kid a sack with embroidered runes on it. They said "This Belongs To Harold" in Celtic, but the boy didn't know that. 

"This will protect you and the cave and the lamp from any of your magics crossing the wrong way." he said. "Just in case." He'd made the lamp out to be some kind of unknown relic thing that nobody was quite sure what it did. 

The cave opened as the sun set and the wind began to blow a bit more than Hiafar would have liked. 

"Who Disturbs My Slumber!!!" the cave yelled.

"It is I, Aladdin!"

Oh. Was that the boy's name?

"Proceed, touch nothing but the lamp!"

The young man and his monkey went in before Hiafar realized the monkey might be a bit of a problem.

\--

About a half hour later, the cave started to shriek and rock back and forth. 

"Uh oh." said Yago. 

"Yeah." said Hiafar. 

This. was bad. Very bad. There was thunder and lightning and the ground shook so hard the peg they'd driven into the ground to hold the horses came loose and the horses freaked out and ran off.

Hiafar sat on the ground and dug his hands into the sand in frustration. Maybe the scarab eyes would come back out and they could start over? Maybe taking the lamp actually caused the pain? Maybe having the monkey in there was too much of a big deal? Too many maybes!

He stood up and went as close to the mouth as he could. Aladdin was flying. Literally. On a rug of some kind, that suddenly got hit with a rock. Aladdin held on with one hand to the stones. 

"Help me out!" he yelled.

Hiafar stuck out the end of the Snake Staff. "Where's the bag?" he yelled.

"In my pants!" the boy yelled.

The boy grabbed the end of the Staff and Hiafar dropped down to the ground, digging his feet in and trying to put all the "pull" on his legs. This kid was about twice as heavy as he was. 

The monkey tried to help too, which didn't amount for much. 

Finally they were all out, and the cave collapsed, screaming. With one last burst of sand, something purple flew into the air. 

"You. Nearly. Broke. My. Wrist!" Hiafar said.  "You owe me for that." 

The two of them and respective animals sat and stared at the cave. Yago picked up the scarab eyes and brought them back to Hiafar and walked over to Aladdin, glaring at him.

"What?" Aladdin said. 

"We did come for the artifact after all," Hiafar said.

Aladdin tossed the bag with the lamp in it to the parrot, and Yago brought it back to Hiafar. The kid was talking and Hiafar wasn't paying attention. 

He couldn't use it here, not with the kid watching. Careful not to touch it with his hands, lest he accidentally rub it right here, he used Harold's bag to hold it and just look at it. 

Finally.

He tucked it away very carefully where he could feel its existence pushing up against his side the entire time and sat there. 

"Do I even want to know what you did to that cave?" he asked.

Aladdin picked up Abu and stared at him. "Well, Abu..."

Hiafar took a very long inhale. The sand in the air had settled completely, and the storm that the cave had caused was gone. Everything was under control.

He leaned back and returned to his "I am a wizard and I know what I'm doing" mode. "That's probably why you're only supposed to have the Diamond in the Rough in there. Even animals set the cave off." 

He hoped that was right, and Aladdin nodded.

There were three grapes left. 

He tossed one to Yago and then one the monkey. "You should have stayed out here, little guy." he said, and the monkey horked the grape like he hadn't eaten in days.

Why people kept pet monkeys in the first place was beyond him. Parrots were (mostly. sometimes) tamable, and he had magic for the rest of it. Yago wasn't exactly tame, but he could communicate, and that made up for it. Most of the time. Monkeys? As soon as that thing hit puberty, it was going to be an insane hassle. And Jasmine's tiger? Yikes. 

The whole walk home, he felt the push of the lamp up against his side. He never once looked at it. He wanted Aladdin to pretty much forget the whole thing was about a lamp, even going far enough to always refer to it as "the bag" from then on. 

It was a very long, very cold walk back and Hiafar didn't care at all. He apologized to Aladdin and put him back in the cell until the next day where they'd have witnesses and such to fix everything. 

He went up stairs and took the lamp out. "I hope this works." he said.

"Me too." said Yago.

He rubbed the lamp carefully and the thing lit up bright red and jumped off the table on its own. Flashing lights and billowing clouds came out of it and Hiafar had to run to the window to shut the curtains. 

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa HOY!" yelled the thing that finally formed itself out of the clouds.

"He's just as dramatic as you are," Yago quipped.

"TEN THOUSAND YEARS! WILL GIVE YOU SUCH A CRICK IN THE NECK!"

"Yeah." said Hiafar. "Shh!" This thing was much, much bigger than the books said it would be. Its face was currently bigger than he was. 

It ignored him.

"Waaaa wow! Does it feel good to be outta there!" Its tail turned into something that screaked and it talked into it. "I'm tellin ya nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen..."

"Will you get him to shut up!" Hiafar said to Yago. Yago could fly. 

Yago went up into the thing's face.

"You. Need. To Be. QUIET!" Yago stage whisper screamed into its face.

The thing poofed and suddenly some lady with a blue face and strange purple clothes stood right next to him. 

"Shh. We're in a library." she said. Hiafar noticed "she" had a beard.

"Stop that." he snapped. He took the lady's shirt and it felt nothing like fabric. He kept hanging on anyway. 

"You're a genie, right?" he said.

"Yeah," said the genie.

"You grant wishes, right?" he said again.

"Yeah," said the genie.

"'Excellent, that's what we were looking for," he said. 

The genie poofed again and was "himself", just much much smaller this time, looking at him at eye level, but floating off the ground quite a few feet.

"How picky are you with words on wishes?" Hiafar asked.

The genie poofed again and became himself, with an older face, and a lot of fingers. It was a little unnerving. "Well, there are a couple of provisos... a couple of quid pro quo."

"Such as?"

"Rule number one!" He suddenly cut his own head off with his finger. "I can't kill anybody! So don't ask." the last bit came out all nasally and he blinked like he expected feedback of some kind.

Comical. Dramatic. He was starting to wonder if the reason whoever had put him into the cave in the first place was because he was a little too comical. 

"Rule number two! I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else." He strung a pair of marionettes from his fingers and had them kiss, then threw them away into nothing. 

"Rule number three!" He turned into a very large, slightly terrifying green zombie that was dripping with stuff. "I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture! I don't like doing it!"

He sprung back to being himself. "Other than that, you got it."

"Do you clarify between "wishes" and "arbitrary requests"?" Hiafar asked.

"For example, asking you to stay quiet or stop touching me would be requests I expect you to follow as a guest in my house." Hiafar said, suddenly wondering what would happen if you fed this guy grapes. "Actual *wishes* would be a much bigger deal."

The genie got very big. "You don't trust anybody, do you?" he said, with his entire face right in front of him.

Hiafar raised an eyebrow and tossed him a grape. 

"You're a genie. Trusting my wishes with you is a very big deal."

"Oh." He turned the grape into a face and poked it.

Hiafar thought about how to ask the next question. He didn't want to give this guy any ideas, but words were fickle things. If he phrased it "I wish to be the most powerful sorcerer in the world", the genie could very well shunt his sense of identity into Matteu of Africa, killing him in the process. 

"Can I make rules on my wishes?" he asked.

"Like?" 

"I know what I want to wish for, but if I handed you a paper with the parameters defined, would that be acceptable? You're listed as "benevolent" but that could mean anything."

The genie got in -his- personal bubble.

"You. think too much." he said, smiling, with sudden poofy white hair and a mustache. Then he poofed back to "normal" and rolled his eyes, sighing. "What do you want?" he asked.

Hiafar went to his cabinet and pulled out the scroll. "I want to be the most powerful sorcerer in the world, as per the terms defined in that paper."

The genie popped into some other odd outfit, black with a white shirt and a black ribbon down his chest, and glasses. He read the entire scroll.

"Sounds good to me!" he said. "Say the magic words!" 

"Can I trust you to follow the paper!?" Hiafar said.

"If he does mess with you much, I can fix it, or try to," said Yago.

He wished, and the genie snapped his fingers, changing his outfit a bit, and tweaking the room up. Huge tomes he'd always wanted and wasn't sure if they were real yet appeared on the walls. The hourglass machine changed. The Snake Staff went from brass to an unnatural black metal, and he knew he was more powerful than Matteu of Africa. He was more powerful than Harold the Celtic. He was more powerful than anything he had expected.

He tested it by pointing his hand at Yago's Parrot Tree and intending it to be bigger, stronger, with a cuttlebone Yago'd actually like, and flicking a finger. It worked. All he had to do was think about something and it appeared in a poof of reddish smoke.

"You!" he said to the genie. "Back in there for now."

The genie disappeared back into the lamp.

\--

Hiafar went around the room, testing things, changing all his clothes from fine linen to silk and back. He didn't need the generator for his sorcery tools any more. All he had to do was tap the Hourglass with his fingertip and it whirred to life. 

He created grapes out of nowhere and pegged Yago with one.

"Now what?" Yago asked.

"Not a clue." Hiafar said. "This is as far as I thought this through." 

Yago frowned at him. "Really?" he said. "That doesn't sound like you at all."

Hiafar crafted a couch and sat down on it. "Well I -had- thought this far through." he said, looking at his hands. "I had great plans, great ideas for what to do after I acquired the lamp, but right now, with -this. much. power-, all those plans seem completely idiotic."

Yago flew down by him and perched on the couch arm, looking concerned. "Like?" 

Hiafar skitched him. "Mostly, I was planning on becoming Agrabah's Sultan so I could put resources into the school I grew up with, improve the tombs of my ancestors, kill a few people I can't otherwise dispose of. Now? What would be the point? Leaving Pudge as Sultan means I don't have to deal with political minutia unless called on." 

He leaned back and looked at the cabinets. "I have scrolls for the parameters of my other wishes, but with this, I can do so much more on my own."

"Like?" Yago said again. 

Hiafar winked at the parrot, spread his fingers--and turned Yago into a human.

"Yipe!" Yago tried to squalk and failed.

Hiafar turned him back.

"Unless of course, -you- have any wishes." he said.

"I wish. To stay. A PARROT!" Yago yelled, fluttering in his face. 

"Of course," Hiafar said, grinning. He'd figured that would happen, but it was a worthwhile test, anyway. He really did have phenomenal powers now.

He crouched down and picked up This Is Harold's Bag, willed it to be locked, openable only by a password, indestructible, and magically bound to him. He then dropped the lamp and four other artifacts into it and tucked it into a drawer. 

"Unless threatened or something else comes up, we don't need this right now." he said. "With my powers the way they are, we could run Agrabah behind the scenes for a long time." The genie had said he couldn't -kill- anybody, but "turn people immortal" hadn't been on that list. He'd have to mull that over later. 

The next thing to do was reformulate his plans. The Sultan was getting old and obnoxious, but there was the Diamond in the Rough waiting patiently for them in the dungeon, and he'd need a new person he could wrap around his finger.

They went down to the boy's cell.

"What does the princess think of you?" Hiafar asked. 

"Huh?" said Aladdin.

"Does she like you enough to bother marrying you if I set the damn thing up?" 

"WHAT?!" The boy's ugly eyebrows climbed up into his hair.

"Look." he said. "You're the Diamond in the Rough. You can do anything." he walked up to him and magicked a scarab across his fingers, pulling the boy's hand up with the other hand and dropping the scarab onto it. The scarab turned black and seemed to vanish into him. It didn't. It was just air, but it sure looked scary.

"What was that!?" the boy yelped, batting his hand.

"With what you are and what I know, your life would be all of this." He spread his hands to the castle walls and up to the ceiling. "Marry Jasmine, and when the Sultan dies, you get the kingdom."

He whirled in a circle, back to 'drama' mode. "The entire Kingdom of Agrabah, under the Diamond in the Rough! Can you imagine it!"

The idea seemed to blow the kid's mind. "I don't know how to be Sultan!" he screaked.

Hiafar grabbed his shoulders. "But I do." He locked eyes with him for a bit. "You're the -Diamond- for crying out loud." he said. "You'll be fine."

He then relaxed a bit. "Besides, the current sultan doesn't know how to run a kingdom either. That's my job." 

"Oh."

"You can knight the monkey," he said, tossing Abu a grape. 

"Uh." He and the monkey looked at each other. "We'll give it a shot, I guess."

\--

A few minutes of shuffling legal papers and a few sparks of magic later, Aladdin was a "prince". Several weeks of Jasmine and Aladdin histrionically courting each other, and they were married. 

Several years later, the Kingdom of Agrabah took on its new Sultan, and between Sultan Emperor Aladdin and his Royal Vizier Hiafar, dawned an era of prosperity no one had ever seen before. 

Because Hiafar was filling the mines with stuff behind everybody's backs.


End file.
